According to the anthropologist Kate Fox, our typical reaction to offensive behaviour extends no further than "frowns and glares accompanied by heavy sighs, pointed coughs, tutting and muttering".
Fox could have found more evidence to support her thesis at Lord's on Monday. The English members of a 20,000-strong crowd remained scrupulously polite – on the surface, at least – while privately bemoaning the fact that cricket had been taken over by renegades and shysters. "You just can't believe what you see on the field any more," said Jonathan, 27, from Essex. So why did he come to the game then? "Well, I bought the ticket in May, and Lord's is always a nice day out. Plus, the sun's shining.
One MCC member, who declined to be named, put up a passionate defence of the Pakistanis' rights. "I feel very sorry for them," he said. "Imagine you are a young talented guy, and there's half a village depending on the money you bring in. I deplore these so-called 'stings' – they're just entrapment by another name."
Lord's is not renowned for its revolutionary sentiments. Even so, it was still a surprise to see the pavilion crowded with egg-and-bacon ties. That meant some 3,000 MCC members had turned out to watch this discredited match – because they just felt like a day at the match. If this is what cricket in crisis looks like, the sport must be healthier than we thought.
The spectators in the Mound Stand could barely hear above the choruses of "Pakistan! Zindabad!" (Long live Pakistan). Ijaz Butt's sabre-rattling counter-attack drew a mixed response from the lime-green quarter. "The ICC shouldn't have come out with all those accusations," said Muhammad Amir, 22, who just happens to share a name with the man at the centre of the spot-fixing scandal. "I think he [Butt] did the right thing – he stood up for our country."
Khan Juna, 57, took a less combative stance. "We are embarrassed by that statement – you can't just come out with those sorts of allegations without evidence. The ICC have to get a grip on this whole business, otherwise the World Cup is going to be a disaster."
Forget the World Cup for a minute – what about tomorrow's final match at the Rose Bowl? Lord's may be a genteel outpost of British reserve, but the atmosphere in the shires can turn decidedly lively for these day-night matches. From the ECB to the Pakistani players, everyone will be relieved when this tour is finally over.
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